Manipulations

Every where I see people manipulating things. They are not what they show and they say what they do not mean at all. It's so confusing and infuriating. I feel like slapping or kicking them.
I  mean why do they behave in such a manner. Why so much of manipulations? Why so much of faking and wearing masks on faces. Everyone is living a dual life. No one cares about sentiments and emotions. What I have learnt till now is that if you need to survive in this pathetic world, you need to be manipulative to people, no matter what you think of them, just show them that you are their well-wisher and that you are happy being in their company.

Seriously! So much of melodrama! I am actually hating every bit of this logic still do not know how to take things forward. I am killing myself every bit in the process of being one like them.

Hoping of a world on Mars that would not be pretentious and manipulative. It would be a simple world with simple living and thinking.


Feeling pissed.

Criss-Cross!

Silence is the key..it's sexy!

I always believed in raising my voice, against everything evil or bad or annoying. I thought that shouting and yelling and raising the pitch of your voice will help you be listened and will alter the motives of the wrong-doers. But, I was very much wrong and I now realize that silence is one thing that is listened more easily and quickly than shouted words.

Silence is the key to being heard and let others know that you are hurt and that you are against. It has worked in a number of ways in my professional life. In personal life, well I need to formulate this silence soon. What  I have seen is the two tones in my personality while living two lives-personal and professional. In professional life, I just go to being a silent listener and repellent. It helps me calm down and just be myself.

But in personal life, I am just sick of being silent. I feel like shouting at people who are not ready to listen. I just speak out loud in front of dad, mom and whosoever is concerned in the circle of my personal life.  I need to work upon this very soon else I will end up being a maniac-shouting all the time.

But, one incident has taught me that silence works.It in fact, grabs attention and makes others curious about you and the situation. It does, really!

So, silence! Here I come to being one!

Silence, silence, silence!

I am a fighter

Tick-tock! Every moment as it passes gives me a bit to lose and also takes away a bit of my breath. I am thinking that now I should stop thinking and bothering too much. I mean, seriously whatever has happened to me till now was after all not that bad as I had imagined. 

Earlier I used to think that I would rather die than part away from the love of my life. But, I survived and I am not surprised a bit that I did. The sequential incidents happened in such a manner that they left barely a chance to think about the wrong and right or the to-do and not-to do things. 

Every year I grew older just by age but had nothing much to feel like being grown up besides a layer of memory being added to the existing one. And I have been blessed with a body and a face that carries the youthful appeal no matter I cross the twenties bar sooner or later. So, just this part makes me appear immature and childish in front of others and may be this can be a major reason why people in my life have never taken me seriously. Be it my parents, family, siblings, friends or colleagues or someone special. Everyone thinks that I am too confused and yet to grow. But, they don't know one thing that all this while I was living the life with them, I was also growing along with them and I too have different stories of my existence to share. I too have so many regrets and so many things to erase from my memory.

I have few dreams to accomplish like they have and I too have expectations from them like they have from me. So, shouldn't it go like both ways hand-in-hand rather than just being me fulfilling everyone's desires and standing up to everyone's expectations? I have had enough and now I am too tired to meet these expectations and follow the norms. 

Though some of the events have taught me that life gives you reasons to smile like it makes you feel disillusioned. There are good things happening by your side in the same manner as bad things emerging now and then. But for the time being, I don't want to rely on this hope that whatever is going to happen to me that is making me feel so miserable will be actually beneficial for me. No ways and I am not going to accept this change this time. I am gonna fight till my last breath to achieve and to live life of my choice. 

Be your own guiding angel!

I always listen to people discussing their issues and problems with RJs on the radio. I mean, do they really need to do so? I could not have realized it until I too did the same yesterday. I just wanted to speak out my mind and so I called Radio City. The RJ Yuvi first listened to me very patiently and said that he would surely find a way out and share my contact with the concerned RJ - Love Guru as he is an expert in solving issues related to love.

So, by now all my friends and people reading this post must have come to know that I talked to the RJ to discuss one of my love issues. Yes, I did and so I hold no regrets and I am not shy to declare it publicly. 

None of such Love Guru did call me back but I again called back Ginni, another RJ today morning and spoke out my problem to her. What she said was all I knew and what she suggested was all I have already had in my mind. She told me no magic and no winning trick. She was way too straight-forward to say that I should speak up and stand up for myself. She asked me to right down all pros and cons of my actions and then rethink how I should react. 

Definitely, anyone on the other side would have said so. It's so easy to give advice, you all know that and me too. Well, I have learnt just one thing today that until and unless someone steps into your shoes, the real solution doesn't come forth and to know what to do, you need to ask no one but yourself. The moment I kept down the phone, I realized that I knew the answer myself. I had nothing new to learn or ask from someone who keeps on ranting the assigned and formulated dialogues every day just to grab audience's attention. 

It's simple my friends, just listen to deep voice within you. The solution lies there itself. Be your own guiding angel!

Love! <3

Every day story: the metro version

Yesterday my journey in the metro was bothersome with a girl standing right in front of me with her backpack banging on me every time the  metro was speeding up and then she was not having the slightest of idea as to how irritating she seemed to me.

I was not in mood of saying anything to her but then the continuous load of her backpack was annoying and I truly was getting disturbed as I was reading a book. After all, reading a book is not an easy job in metro, especially when everyone is in their bitchiest form bitching about their random friends and colleagues and all the people in their lives. Some are in the best of moods to enjoy and have a gala time clapping, ranting and mimicking and definitely proving themselves as free entertainment for the fellow passengers.

Some are couples trying to be cozy to each other, lost in their own dreamworld and not letting go a single second without clasping each other by arms and shoulders.

Few others are not in mood of having much fun without torturing others through their weird looks as if they are scanning you throughout from top to bottom.

And then there are others who irritate you through their conversions pointing you and then waiting for a remark from your side.

So, getting back to my reading. Yes, through everything like above happening around me, I try to focus on my book and the only way to help me focus is tuning into my headphones.

Music plus book = peace and ignorance!

Haven't you faced more or less the same as above?
Share your  version of metro every day story.

Plan - it is meant to never work!

Life sure plays jokes ...sometimes random, sometimes quite serious to sweep you by your feet. 
You must have made plans for your life two years down the line. Few must have planned to get settled with their own business while few others  must have thought of getting married to their beloved ones. Whatever it be, plans are after all plans and they work at times but majority of the times; they do not.

And for me a plan is something that exists just in imaginations. Seriously!

Few years back, when I was in college, I had plans of getting my book published and had dreams of being one of the national best-sellers. But to see myself nearing no where as per my plan, now I can clearly see the pitfalls and the truth that lies behind planning.

Sometimes, we plan just for the sake of having a plan and to compete with others while most of the times we are thinking that just to survive, we need to have some planning in order to be roughly near it. 

That sums up to our callousness and we are never seriously talking about it. We fear to spill the beans as we might be laughed at or made fun of. We also have that threat that our plan might be copied by someone else, so we take utmost pleasure in keeping it a secret.

So, let's face it. We are always kidding and when we get serious ( out of the blue) life plays that prank on us and smiles at us childishly as if asking- "Kyu bura laga kya"? 

And we have simply no answer than to just being felt cheated.

That broken teeth dream and compromises!

I dream a lot and I also remember the dreams bit by bit. Well, it has been months since I dreamt and it was yesterday night that I dreamt of broken teeth. To figure out why did I had such a dream; I did a couple of online research and what I found out was actually so true and said just the right thing I am facing these days. 

Dreaming about broken teeth means costly compromises or a warning about the cost of a decision or action. It also indicates that one is losing sight of oneself and one's needs by compromising too much to fit with other people's expectations. 

And now I realize pondering over the past months what I have been going through. I have been facing depression, thought to suicide and even wanted to run away to some isolated place where I do not keep in touch with anyone. The reason being the consistent pressure by my family on me to marry just anyone they choose for me and my life coming to a state of stagnancy. I have thought over and over to make peace with their decision but I am not able to digest the fact that I will be leading a life dictated by my parents who will be having no worries of me soon after I am left married with a guy of their choice. 

The simple fact is that I do not want to marry-not now...and never! I am satisfied with my life being alone. I love the way I am and I don't need anyone else to be by my side to complete it. 

Shiva- the incarnation of the unborn and immortal!

Today we celebrate Mahashivratri as a day of Shiva, the Rudra, the Mrintunjay, Mahadeva.

Shiva means the auspicious and we are not ignorant to his Neelkanth form as well.
I offer him my prayer through these words. 

शिव स्तुति

रौद्र रूपं, महा मृतुनजयम

शिवम् तुम्ही सत्य, सुन्दरम

हर नाम का अभिषेक तुम

तुम्ही संसार का सार, अंत तुम

हे नीलकंठ, विष हारनम

तुम महादेव भय नाशनं

आजन्मा, अमर, अगोचरं

विध्वन्श्कारम, सुर्यरूपम

त्रिमूर्ति के सृजन्हारम

अनंत्कारम, निर्विकारं

कैलाशपति, योगी तुम

कला, नृत्य का स्वरुप तुम;

तुम हो प्रखंड सूर्य की किरण

तुमसे है जन्मा हर एक कण

तुम जीत हो, अजेय तुम

त्रिशूल-हारी, पार ब्रह्म तुम

हर शब्द में तुम हो प्रभु;

हर साँस में, विश्वास में

क्या करूँ तेरा बखान मैं;

तुम सत्य, सुन्दर प्राण में

सनातन हो तुम, सदानंद भी

जगत के पति, तुम तेज भी, तुम मंद भी.

© श्रुति सुमन, १७ फरवरी, २०१५, १२:३८ दिवा, मंगलवार, नई दिल्ली

Hope - the silver lining amidst dark clouds

They say if it meant to be yours, it will stay or will come back to you no matter what. Now, when I look at it; everything becomes clear and simpler. True, when we are in a situation, it never happens to seem the way it is, it rather grows complex for us.  Twisted and complex and all we have to do is just curse ourselves and feel pity for being in such a state.

But, unless you know the very basic fact that whatever situation life puts you through, it always prepares you step by step for being capable of what you ought to be. So, rise and let yourself know the purpose of being alive and being in this world.

There will be days when you will feel all shattered and desolate, but sticking to hope will fuel you up and will surely bring you to where you will feel at ease. It’s like balancing and you will realize that everything that happens has a hidden reason within.

So, stay calm and keep pulling yourself up. Chase your dreams until they are your companion because life was never meant to be an easy game!

Hope. Smile. Cheers!

J

HOPE

Have you thought what keeps you breathing? We all plan for our future in such a way that we are here to stay forever but hardly do we realize that we can’t even guarantee about the next very day that is to come. So, what is it that keeps us in the happy illusion of creating the web of dreams? It’s the simple, four lettered word-HOPE!

We get up every day with a hope that it will be a long happy day. That no matter what kept us upset yesterday, this day is going to be different and that this day will surely change for our good!

It’s hope that keeps us pacing forward with all our stamina and energy. It makes us believe in the possibility of the impossible. It keeps us revived and keeps us energetic to chase our dreams.

So, let’s hope to give our best and lead life with such passion that at the end we smile with accomplishment of never giving up and no regrets.

Cheers!

J

Bad time takes you to philosophy!

Much to the latest that has rolled upon to my side, I have been awestruck and a bit taken aback; but then life takes its own turn and time to give you what you deserve. Like we always say-"I never imagined that something of such kind would ever happen to me" and then we are actually found facing that scenario. So true, yet so difficult to digest!

I won't say that it was the worst that could have ever happened to me but yes, I would definitely take time to ponder and smile back to the issues that have been giving me the knuckle rapping every now and then.

Problems- they come when we least expect them like a cyclone that never introduces its pre-arrival to anyone. They also are said to be grown faster when nursed. I wonder who got all such remedies to throw at us when we have nothing left but just few tears to shed on our ill-fate.

Nothing goes as thought and planned yet we are taught to make a strategy of things, to follow a routine, or mark a deadline and to adhere by our guidelines and plans. Does anything ever happen according to one's own whims and fancies?

I know this whole nagging and disappointing write up will not make you any more at ease, but would relate to you at some point.