I'll COME to you AGAIN !!

For the LOVE of WINTERS;

I left your lanes.

Though you were WARM & HUSHED

I liked to be with YOU!

Though you were always speeding up;

Leaving behind the slow pacers

Yet I liked running at job's demand.

At times you were hustling & bustling with people.

And I felt desolate in that CROWD.

Yet you imbibed me in your HIGHNESS

And gave me HOPES to live & ENJOY.

Sometimes you were too long a distance to cover,

And i felt tired & broken then.

Yet, I loved to give you my TIME,

But it was then I had to LEAVE you.

When hopes were DYING and dreams EVAPORATED,

It was then I had to DESERT you

When every single WISH just took it's LAST breath;

In your presence, your live SELF!

And, it was then, WINTERS arrived,

Fueling my wings with ASPIRATIONS.

MOBILIZING my legs to step ahead.

So, I had to LEAVE you staying where you were;

And I had to part from you HEAVY HEAR-TED !

Here I am, missing you NOW,

But, the distance is LONG & situation REVERSE.

Though I want to come BACK to you

Yet I can't, not this time.

So, may be I can wait for this SEASON to END,

Maybe I can come back to you AGAIN !!

Thurs., 15/12/11, 10:49 a.m., train to Delhi

I am going to LIVE.....

It has been hard, I know really hard for both of us! Yet, what to do, we have to live this life like this, God knows till when.

Just this line went on my mind, and I kept trembling with sorrow, grief and memories of the past....oh that was just few minutes back! How ridiculous! What was going on just a few minutes back is now just a past, to repent and cry for! And this terrible traffic of Mumbai adds on to it by giving more time to the brain and heart to ponder over all sorts of nostalgic and mind- distracting thoughts.

"Bhaiya! kam se kam meter to band kar lo", I said with irritation to the taxi driver, who with a grin turned it down and started his loud music in one go....and no wonder these taxi walas and auto drivers play Hindi songs just to add on to your mood-swings! Ah! not to mention, yet the song was the famous hit one from Veer Zaara movie;" Tere Liye".

Wow! Has he been noticing me crying behind my goggles or was he spying on me, how the hell did he know that I am bloody too broken to enjoy a sad Hindi song? My thoughts were lingering again to another moment from the past, when he was so sure of marrying me, of not letting me go whatever the situation is. He was so sick of loving me and so was I that we would have even planned out a good runaway from our homes just to find ourselves in a court, obviously for marriage deal!

"Madam! lagta hai aaj toh ye traffic jaam khatam nhi hoga, aap aisa kijiye paidal nikal jaaiye", the driver was looking in the mirror of his taxi and speaking bluntly. I paid him the fare and dropped out to find myself in the steaming crowd ahead and behind. Where do I go now? Walking nearly for an hour, I somehow managed to escape that chaos and lo here I was to the other side of the road. It was like every building gazing down to me, as if people around noticing me and my swollen eyes hidden behind my dark black goggles.

I took another taxi and reached Nariman Point, this is one of the peaceful places here which eats away all your sorrow and pain at least for the time being. Walking to the end of the cemented platform meant for people to sit, I leaned down my bag to one side and with a deep sigh sat down to observe the roaring sea in front which streamed so callously. It is so deep to gulp all the filth and still flow enormously with the same passion. It is endless and still it has a motive...just to flow and take direction as the situation asks for.

Oh wow! I think I have got the solution. If this sea in spite of lacking senses can be so hopeful, why do I with all senses working;need to be helpless and sit like a moron ?

Yes, I am not going to throw myself into the sea and die, I am going to stride by the obstacles of this long life. Even if he is not mine anymore, still I have to live for my family and carry on with life. I am going to live life again!

2:04p.m., Wed., 9/12/11.,N.Delhi

This is what LOVE is !!

Smiling gingerly you have once said

That you would never leave me alone;

You would always stand by my side

And that you would love to see me smile

Always, yes always!

Was it a dream, a sheer thought or just

my imagination...when you held me tight

And often sat beside only to make me feel

Safe and good from my heart.

Oh! Now that you are not here,

I realize how much you meant to me

How secure I felt even in darkness of night

Alone, gazing to the dim-light from my window!

Ah! never I thought we would once separate

For so long and so far that my heart would

Just bounce back to the sweet old days

Now and then, and cry but would not be

Heard, in pain but not healed, in grief

But never soothing....

You were there just for making me feel special

You were there just for me and only me;

Yet I could realize only when it was too late

And here I stand alone, yes alone

With memories devouring my heart

Each bit of me is sinking, getting hollow from

Within, and I can only remember you and just you!

No wonder, this is what LOVE is !!

1:34p.m.,Wed., 9/12/11, N. Delhi