Just this line went on my mind, and I kept trembling with sorrow, grief and memories of the past....oh that was just few minutes back! How ridiculous! What was going on just a few minutes back is now just a past, to repent and cry for! And this terrible traffic of Mumbai adds on to it by giving more time to the brain and heart to ponder over all sorts of nostalgic and mind- distracting thoughts.
"Bhaiya! kam se kam meter to band kar lo", I said with irritation to the taxi driver, who with a grin turned it down and started his loud music in one go....and no wonder these taxi walas and auto drivers play Hindi songs just to add on to your mood-swings! Ah! not to mention, yet the song was the famous hit one from Veer Zaara movie;" Tere Liye".
Wow! Has he been noticing me crying behind my goggles or was he spying on me, how the hell did he know that I am bloody too broken to enjoy a sad Hindi song? My thoughts were lingering again to another moment from the past, when he was so sure of marrying me, of not letting me go whatever the situation is. He was so sick of loving me and so was I that we would have even planned out a good runaway from our homes just to find ourselves in a court, obviously for marriage deal!
"Madam! lagta hai aaj toh ye traffic jaam khatam nhi hoga, aap aisa kijiye paidal nikal jaaiye", the driver was looking in the mirror of his taxi and speaking bluntly. I paid him the fare and dropped out to find myself in the steaming crowd ahead and behind. Where do I go now? Walking nearly for an hour, I somehow managed to escape that chaos and lo here I was to the other side of the road. It was like every building gazing down to me, as if people around noticing me and my swollen eyes hidden behind my dark black goggles.
I took another taxi and reached Nariman Point, this is one of the peaceful places here which eats away all your sorrow and pain at least for the time being. Walking to the end of the cemented platform meant for people to sit, I leaned down my bag to one side and with a deep sigh sat down to observe the roaring sea in front which streamed so callously. It is so deep to gulp all the filth and still flow enormously with the same passion. It is endless and still it has a motive...just to flow and take direction as the situation asks for.
Oh wow! I think I have got the solution. If this sea in spite of lacking senses can be so hopeful, why do I with all senses working;need to be helpless and sit like a moron ?
Yes, I am not going to throw myself into the sea and die, I am going to stride by the obstacles of this long life. Even if he is not mine anymore, still I have to live for my family and carry on with life. I am going to live life again!
2:04p.m., Wed., 9/12/11.,N.Delhi
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