I LOST HER like a dream...

Shining big eyes shaped like almonds, golden brown skin, playfulness, childish innocence and her running speed.....these characters were the few which compelled me to be near her, touch her and love her. She was one of the most wonderful creations I personally related to and she was the one I was proud to have.

Varna, my pet deer was not even 2 years, when she joined our family and became an integral member, without whom none of our rituals and celebrations were accomplished. She brought liveliness and colours to our monotonous lives and at times she used to be an inspiration for my works of arts, poetry and writing.

When something by her fault was spoilt or broken, she used to become still and her innocent face and tearful eyes used to vaporize all our anguish. She was so lovable, especially to my grandma, that they both used to eat together sitting side by side.

Life never is the same..it has to change and so it happened to mine too. My heart aches and eyes warm up with tears when I rememeber that dreadful day of her departure from our lives forever.

It was 31st December, 1997.The weather outside was aweful and everywhere people were celebrating the eve of New Year. The sky above was full of feathery clouds compelling poets for poetry. Our family went to the nearby hill to celebrate the occassion as a family picnic and so Varna too accompanied.

Cheers and laughters echoed in the ambience, trees were decorated beautifully with artificial stars and ribbons, portraying the essence of the past Christmas celebration. People around were also rejoicing with their families, some were couples, some lovers, while some alone came to enjoy their time on the beautiful hill which was a hot spot for the day.

We children, as in my siblings and I were especially surounding Varna and taking care of her; as it was on our compulsion that my grandma allowed us to take her to the picnic. As usual, she was one of the centres of attraction over there and people wantingly or unwantingly, kept coming near our group just to take a glance of her.

Suddenly, one of my sisters came with an idea to play hide and seek and so we all agreed but decided not to include Varna. I refused to play so that I could sit with Varna and not let her go here and there as she was so active by nature. They started playing and I was keeping Varna enticed with songs and little playful activities. But, time and again she used to get distracted when during the play, someone shouted or created some noise. She used to give herself a push and start stepping forward so as to tell others that she also is coming to join their playing group.

I was simultaneously enjoying the weather and watching people around. When I pointed to Varna a tree infront of us, she lost my control and ran with a speed difficult to par with. I hurriedly got up from my place and followed her. Listening to her name being called repeatedly by me, she went slow and started stepping down the hill. I was just a few steps behind her, when some bush came in my way and I suddenly lost her view from my place. Horrified at the thought of losing her, I quickened my mind to decide which way she might have gone and running speedly towards the bottom I stopped at the pathway which lead to a narrow lane.

I was not able to decide what to do and without even giving a second thought, I entered the lane, hoping that Varna might have lost her path and stepped in the lane. I kept walking and shouting her name with pain and terror, my mind was out of control, tears were continuously shedding from my eyes which were starving for a glance of my beautiful Varna. From within, I was cursing myself for letting her go so easily and not listening to my grandma's opinion of not taking Varna to the hill. Thousands of mind- craving things were hitting my head and I was shaking with the fear and terror of the after- effects which my family would suffer from.

Lost in these thoughts I walked upto the end of the lane when an open gate invited me to enter inside. Not thinking much I let myself step inside and without even bothering to ask anyone, I entered the house. When I went inside, I saw two ladies working in the open "aangan". Looking at their clothes and the way the house was made, I could make out it was some Muslim family. Watching a stranger enter their house suddenly; the women stood up in astonishment. I went near them and in a pleading tone asked them if they had seen my Varna around. First they couldn't make out what I was upto but when I told them how I arrived there searching for my lost pet deer, they showed symapathy and told that they haven't seen any such creature around.

Listening to our conversation, suddenly a fat huge man around 45-47 yrs old came outside from one of the rooms and called out one of the women as "Parveen ki Amma". One of the elderly ladies talking to me turned around to answer him. But, as soon he saw me, his brows raised with an interrogation. She told him that I was in search of my lost pet which brought me to this place. The man standing from his place said that no such creature has been there and that I should leave the place soon as they had to begin some of their rituals for which their family members were working throughout the day.
The women turned away from me and started working again. I hopelessly lifted my heavy steps and turned back towards the exit door. Coming outside the house, I met a girl about 12- 13 yrs age;who I supposed was the daughter of that family. She passed a smile as she crossed past me. I didn't reply and lowering my head down I kept walking. Tears till now had swollen my eyes. She stopped me and asked what was wrong and why was I crying. I could just speak a line that I lost my pet deer and asked if she had seen her.

She was silent for a while, then she muttered something I coudn't hear. When I asked her again, she refused and said no.

I stepped out of the house and fastened my steps towards my home. My grandma was at home as someone needed to be at there to look after. In the way, I stopped thinking what the hell I was going to do by reaching home. What would I say to my grandma if she asks about Varna and for how long am I going to hide this truth from my family that I have lost Varna.


.............to be continued!