Remembrance

I still remember that day,

When Spring was in its full bliss;

And nature played that tune

The air around was tranquil cool

And butterflies were out of cocoon.

Then clasping hand-in-hand, we went

On Path that led to peace,

And love and only love it spoke

With you I felt comfort and ease.

The sun though shined, it felt so nice

And everything smelt so sweet!

With you, just you that day

It seemed was 'one special treat'.

The blissful moments in your lap

The warmth in your words

Then healed up all my sorrow

And took away all my hurt.

It has been long, it has been far

But love has melted not a bit.

That sensitizing on my nerves;

That feeling would never quit.

I owe to you this life and more,

For giving me wonderful memories

And so I pay tribute to you

In form of remembrance and poetry.

The Guy I met on a Rainy Day

There are times, we face such hilarious moments that without sharing it with someone, we just don't feel like letting them go! There are certain people who serve their best in listening to our such usual yet a bit different story and give their genuine suggestions. And, yes I prove to be the best one if you consider telling me your story ;)

So, this situation casts down on the roads of Kurla station, Mumbai in the month of July. Ahh! you can feel the heavy rain showering upon you, so can I. That was a day soaked in rain, with not a bit of space without drains soaking your feet...and this friend of mine (you can take her as the lead of this story) was on her way back to our flat from office. So that it was raining so heavily, and with not a single mode of transport; she had to adjust (actually the other two people had to adjust) in a single auto.

The other lady dropped out somewhere while this friend of mine was having her sweet time sharing the seat with a guy. That guy suddenly asked her where she had to get down and then after exchange of bits of their basic information; they realised that their destination was soon to arrive- the local Kurla station. By now, they came to know quite many things about each other. She stepped up the stairs at the platform, while he stood downstairs. An ultimate bollywood scene is flashing through your mind...isn't it? I know, even I and another of my roomie too had the same imagination!

Now, she was in a hurry to reach the platform when suddenly she had to turn back to see or basically enquire if he stood there staring at her, and there he was! His eyes met hers and there he came suddenly to her asking for her number, saying that may be next time they might meet again. He also said that it was really nice talking to her and that he really liked her friendly approach (Oh! here we were laughing aloud expecting some exchange of hugs and....;)

So she did it.....what???? Oh God! She did that stupidity of giving him her contact no. and then she came happily without even asking for his. The next day she got a lovely message from his side, which was just an informal way of hello or hi. She replied, then he and then they had their share of conversation through messaging. She was fine with it until one day the expected happened and yes he asked to meet her on a weekend. First, she showed her etiquettes but later accepted the proposal, but with conditions applied, obviously :)

He lived in Mansarovar, very close to Kharghar, Navi Mumbai, where we lived. And Madame's condition was that she wanted him to come down to Kharghar. So, here begins my actual role of giving genuine suggestions. I asked her to take him to the nearest mall in Kharghar, so that we may also come in some time and meet him. She got ready, waiting for his call, when suddenly he asked her to meet at the station. He had some plans. They met, he took her to his loved place, Ghatkopar and had her meet his friend. So what, they had lunch together, roamed around in the mall, came back in bus and that was the actual moment of realisation..actually botheration or say embarrassment when they had to sit together on a seat and you know how it goes about in public transport buses.

Then her thoughts on what type of guy he is and all those descriptions which I and my roomie had to listen with patience, would not be elaborated here. Then what, they turned out to be cool  friends texting each other about the bits of the day's activities. I had then warned her that she would soon be falling for him, but she said it on a serious note that she won't. A month passed, came another.. ..it was around three months of their sacred friendship which had to take a turn.

Suddenly, during their conversation on phone, he asked her why she didn't get into a relationship till now, is it that she dislikes guys?And that was not just a question but a serious interrogation on someone's being (My Niftians friends can understand what I mean). She was pissed off and asked him not to call again. Then she came describing about what happened and then eating our heads for another two to three hours about ''What do you think, why did he ask such a question''?
We now came with our own interpretations:
1) He has fallen for you, so just wants to be sure from his side if you love or like someone.
2) He might be thinking of you as a Lesbian who has no interest in guys.
3) He might want to propose you and so before that just wants to know if your disbelief in love has faded or not.
and all that we could manipulate at that time to convince her.

Days passed with no communication amongst them and suddenly he calls.

He: So, it was a long time, I was busy a bit helping my father with his work.
She: Ya, even I had a hectic month with loads to do in office.
He: So, how have you been?
She: Good, and you?
He: Ya,fine.
She:What else? You seem so quite. Any problem?
He:Nothing, just wanted to say something.
She:What?????Then say na...!!
He: I like you as a girl, we had been really good in terms of friendship, but what next?
She: What next what???
He: I mean do you want to take this friendship forward to another edge?
She:Sorry, I didn't get you (but, actually she did and was scared like hell....ooh gals and their dramas)!!
He: How about giving our friendship a new definition, I want to be with you always....
She:I just take you as a friend, nothing else. I don't have any feelings for you (Poor guy!!)  Let's not talk anymore.

Phone disconnected.
The guy must be sad and angry at himself....thinking why the hell did he propose her...now the friendship too has gone :(

She takes it very lightly, saying that though he was a good guy, friendship types, but I didn't have any feelings for him.

And I scold her and say that she would never be able to make a boyfriend, suits well for an arrange marriage.
It's going to be a year now and the rains are back in Mumbai. There will evolve other such stories of romance and I feel sorry for those hearts which are soon going to be broken.

Lesson: Never take a girl too seriously.
Treat her like a friend, don't propose her, else you are gone.
Treat a guy like a friend, but don't nurture love for him.
Don't believe in Bollywood romance happening in rain..they are mere fictional.
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P.S. (Dear you, I have made some changes where I felt I should, so don't mind and enjoy reading your story as I did while listening to you !!!)

LET ME SLEEP !

Till the time, you read this NOTE,
I'll be fast ASLEEP !
The swollen veins of my HEART
Would sink in further DEEP.
Don't try to wake me up again,
I won't open an eye
For deep in heart,my LOVE would rush
But mind won't let it KEEP.
The dusk would not dissolve till then
And I'll be fast ASLEEP.
The jerk, the pain of getting AWAKE
Oh no! Not again would I REPEAT.
Layers by layers everyday
The wound is scaling a HEAP.
Don't say a word, neither you CRY
That would make my sacrifice CHEAP.
Just nail it within, all memories
In heart you let it REAP.
One day, when the dawn arrives
On horizon, we would MEET.
Till then, just let all this pass
And peacefully let me SLEEP!

I'll COME to you AGAIN !!

For the LOVE of WINTERS;

I left your lanes.

Though you were WARM & HUSHED

I liked to be with YOU!

Though you were always speeding up;

Leaving behind the slow pacers

Yet I liked running at job's demand.

At times you were hustling & bustling with people.

And I felt desolate in that CROWD.

Yet you imbibed me in your HIGHNESS

And gave me HOPES to live & ENJOY.

Sometimes you were too long a distance to cover,

And i felt tired & broken then.

Yet, I loved to give you my TIME,

But it was then I had to LEAVE you.

When hopes were DYING and dreams EVAPORATED,

It was then I had to DESERT you

When every single WISH just took it's LAST breath;

In your presence, your live SELF!

And, it was then, WINTERS arrived,

Fueling my wings with ASPIRATIONS.

MOBILIZING my legs to step ahead.

So, I had to LEAVE you staying where you were;

And I had to part from you HEAVY HEAR-TED !

Here I am, missing you NOW,

But, the distance is LONG & situation REVERSE.

Though I want to come BACK to you

Yet I can't, not this time.

So, may be I can wait for this SEASON to END,

Maybe I can come back to you AGAIN !!

Thurs., 15/12/11, 10:49 a.m., train to Delhi

I am going to LIVE.....

It has been hard, I know really hard for both of us! Yet, what to do, we have to live this life like this, God knows till when.

Just this line went on my mind, and I kept trembling with sorrow, grief and memories of the past....oh that was just few minutes back! How ridiculous! What was going on just a few minutes back is now just a past, to repent and cry for! And this terrible traffic of Mumbai adds on to it by giving more time to the brain and heart to ponder over all sorts of nostalgic and mind- distracting thoughts.

"Bhaiya! kam se kam meter to band kar lo", I said with irritation to the taxi driver, who with a grin turned it down and started his loud music in one go....and no wonder these taxi walas and auto drivers play Hindi songs just to add on to your mood-swings! Ah! not to mention, yet the song was the famous hit one from Veer Zaara movie;" Tere Liye".

Wow! Has he been noticing me crying behind my goggles or was he spying on me, how the hell did he know that I am bloody too broken to enjoy a sad Hindi song? My thoughts were lingering again to another moment from the past, when he was so sure of marrying me, of not letting me go whatever the situation is. He was so sick of loving me and so was I that we would have even planned out a good runaway from our homes just to find ourselves in a court, obviously for marriage deal!

"Madam! lagta hai aaj toh ye traffic jaam khatam nhi hoga, aap aisa kijiye paidal nikal jaaiye", the driver was looking in the mirror of his taxi and speaking bluntly. I paid him the fare and dropped out to find myself in the steaming crowd ahead and behind. Where do I go now? Walking nearly for an hour, I somehow managed to escape that chaos and lo here I was to the other side of the road. It was like every building gazing down to me, as if people around noticing me and my swollen eyes hidden behind my dark black goggles.

I took another taxi and reached Nariman Point, this is one of the peaceful places here which eats away all your sorrow and pain at least for the time being. Walking to the end of the cemented platform meant for people to sit, I leaned down my bag to one side and with a deep sigh sat down to observe the roaring sea in front which streamed so callously. It is so deep to gulp all the filth and still flow enormously with the same passion. It is endless and still it has a motive...just to flow and take direction as the situation asks for.

Oh wow! I think I have got the solution. If this sea in spite of lacking senses can be so hopeful, why do I with all senses working;need to be helpless and sit like a moron ?

Yes, I am not going to throw myself into the sea and die, I am going to stride by the obstacles of this long life. Even if he is not mine anymore, still I have to live for my family and carry on with life. I am going to live life again!

2:04p.m., Wed., 9/12/11.,N.Delhi

This is what LOVE is !!

Smiling gingerly you have once said

That you would never leave me alone;

You would always stand by my side

And that you would love to see me smile

Always, yes always!

Was it a dream, a sheer thought or just

my imagination...when you held me tight

And often sat beside only to make me feel

Safe and good from my heart.

Oh! Now that you are not here,

I realize how much you meant to me

How secure I felt even in darkness of night

Alone, gazing to the dim-light from my window!

Ah! never I thought we would once separate

For so long and so far that my heart would

Just bounce back to the sweet old days

Now and then, and cry but would not be

Heard, in pain but not healed, in grief

But never soothing....

You were there just for making me feel special

You were there just for me and only me;

Yet I could realize only when it was too late

And here I stand alone, yes alone

With memories devouring my heart

Each bit of me is sinking, getting hollow from

Within, and I can only remember you and just you!

No wonder, this is what LOVE is !!

1:34p.m.,Wed., 9/12/11, N. Delhi

Let us separate forever!

The breeze outside is though dry, still I love to walk in the lane barefooted. Keeping a pace with the weather, I want to breathe in as much freshness as I can. Growing old each day is so fast but growing with you is still not decided. This undecided path has brought me to such a node from where no ends, no points can be joined to the left past....the past being so barren and so close to heart.

You were with me yesterday, which seems quite a dream today. This day just can repeat the flashback with closed eyes and let you go away. I know this pain is unbearable, the memory is inseparable.Still we have different routes to choose and separate lives to live. Though we promised each other to live up to each other's expectations, we can't afford to do so...knowing this I try erasing all your memories from my past. But, it gets more complicated each time I try doing so.

Why you are being unavoidable ? Every moment I try not thinking of you, and I think more about you then. This insanity has left things haywire in my life. I don't know about your heart..what's going on there. Neither do I want to know as it will add on to my pain, my worries about you. I am running away from you and the more I try evading away from you, the more I get closer to you. Each passing day brings a hope to live a moment of old days with you. But, somehow the circumstances don't support our thoughts and our plans.

One day all these will fade away. We will get busy in our own separate lives. We will have issues to deal with. Those issues will be bigger than this being dealt with both of us every moment. But, no help! Just crying alone in loneliness and darkness is the only relief. I know you will never be mine, and that we will never be together again.... still I live up to this expectation of living life for you and with you.

I know we are never destined to meet, still I keep on longing for you. Why? Because I simply adore you...I simply love you! May be we can meet someday and that would be a dream come true. For the time being let me close my eyes and cry my heart aloud for some time. The pain inside has melted and it is becoming unbearable each day. Let me see you once more and then separate forever.

S.Suman, 20/11/11, Sunday, 3:41 p.m., New Delhi